Hello Kitty

 

This is too good not to share.  I recently received the following story in an email.  No writer’s name was included.  If anyone knows its origin, please let me know so I can give proper credit.  In the meantime…enjoy:

 

THE KOHL’S SHOPPING TRIP

 

Clutching their Kohl’s shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot – obviously a recent hit – no flies, no smell. 

 

“What business could that poor kitty have had here?” murmured Ellen.

 

“Come on, Ellen, let’s just go…”

 

But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, “I’ll just put my things in your bag, and then use this tissue…”

 

She dumped her purchases into Kay’s bag and then used the tissue paper to pick up, cradle, and lower the former feline into her own Kohl’s bag, and cover it.

 

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk.  But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen’s burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay’s Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.

 

They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to K & W Cafeteria.

 

The two ladies went through the serving line and sat down at a window table.  From there, they had a view of Kay’s Chevy with the Kohl’s bag still on the trunk.

 

But, not for long!  As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car.  She looked quickly this way and that, and then took the Kohl’s bag without breaking stride.  She quickly walked out of their line of vision.  Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look.

 

It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. 

 

“Can you imagine?” finally sputtered Ellen.  “The nerve of that woman!” 

 

Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief.  Just when she thought she’d have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen’s eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line.  Following her gaze, Kay recognized the woman in the red gingham shirt with the Kohl’s bag hanging from her arm.  The lady was brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier.  Helplessly they watched the scene unfold. 

 

After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.  After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag onto her lap to survey her treasure.

 

Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.

 

Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.  The noise grew.  The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest.  The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busyboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich  maneuver.

 

A crowd quicly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained rivited to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.  In a matter of minutes, the woman with the red gingham shirt emerged from the crowd, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney.

 

Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. 

 

The last the ladies saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance doors…the Kohl’s bag perched on her stomach.

 

~~~~

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. I just HOPE that’s not really true — for the kitty’s sake

  2. That was great!!!!!

  3. She deserved every bit of that! WOW

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: